Smiling at Me

After an exciting 30 year Air Force career as a pilot and manager, and an additional ten years at the University, I found myself “unemployed.”  Others would call it retirement, but I found my self-worth was tied up with accomplishment, and retirement wasn’t cutting it.  So, years of moderate drinking began to drift toward problem drinking.  If I couldn’t feel good about what I was “doing,” some alcohol would bring a smile back to my life.  It did, for a while.  Then it began to impact my relationships with my wife and others.  My smile turned to a frown.  I needed to “re-boot” me.  And I did so.  A spent a year with AA and was abstinent.  During that time I took a hard look at my life and began to like it.  I found some volunteer opportunities.  I worked hard on restoring my marriage–successfully I might add.  I learned to enjoy my small farm, cleaning the stalls, training the horses, picking and canning produce, and learning to manage a very aggressive rooster.  In short, I learned to be thankful for what I had and to not look to others “for my smiles.”  With the MM program it is working.  I just needed to learn to like myself.