I’m sitting in my backyard right now, drinking a cup of coffee, reading some blogs and cruising the posts on the MM forum. My little notebook is next to me, eagerly awaiting my plan for the day. It’s a beautiful August morning, one with no hangover and no regrets. I can only describe the feeling as one of peace- which has been a word that has popped into my mind more than once these past three weeks.
Yesterday I went to a meditation class and the teaching of the day involved refuge. How we, as humans, are always seeking refuge from our own mind. We are looking for peace. We are looking for ways to avoid struggle and turmoil within our own minds. The teacher asked us to look deep and acknowledge that most of our problems come from within our own minds, and not from outside sources.
I’ve been thinking that over this morning, and I’m seeing that alcohol, in the quantities I was consuming it, was serving as the key that opened the door of turmoil and struggle in my own mind. Yes, my struggle comes from within. Yes, mistakes are made primarily from something within. But the alcohol was the key that “let them out”.
Three weeks is a short amount of time, and yet I’m feeling very hopeful. I’m coming to a lot of conclusions about myself and my drinking that I haven’t before. I’m feeling the peace that comes with the control. I’m seeking refuge from my own mind by keeping that door locked tight.